Supported by Doctors and Loved Ones, the Murray Bentz Family Rings the Bell Every Day
At the end of her six-mile Audaxity ride last summer, 10-year-old Skylar Murray-Bentz remembered sitting next to a group of three people who asked her and her family, “do you have any scars?” as they pointed to their own.
Skylar’s mom, Meighan Bentz, showed them one on her arm where, several months earlier, doctors created a graft from her wrist and put it on the inside of her cheek after her first bout with oral cancer.
The scars became a badge of pride and a point of connection among the survivors that day. “They all said, ‘scar club!’” Skylar remembered, smiling. That moment and the feeling of accomplishment made the day one that Skylar will never forget, in the middle of a year shaped by uncertainty and overwhelming support.
“I Will Survive”
Bentz and her wife, Jen Murray, told Skylar and their son, Jasper, 15, about Bentz’s first diagnosis during their spring break to give them time to process the news. Murray said their wife’s background in healthcare and her calm, positive demeanor helped make the information a little less scary. Still, the changes became hard to ignore.
Skylar said it began to sink in once her mom started treatment and her energy started to change. She got tired easily and often didn’t feel well. Skylar remembered what her mom told her the night before her surgery that June: “I’m going to be strong during this. I will survive and I will see you soon.”
The next day at school, Skylar couldn’t stop thinking about her mom. Her teacher, who provided emotional support through the whole experience, talked to her class about how strong Bentz was going to be after treatment.
Despite the disruption and stress, life kept moving forward. Bentz and Murray still went to work; the kids still went to school and played sports. There was a lot of logistical planning, waiting, and not knowing what to expect. The uncertainty weighed heavily, Murray said.
As the caregiver for their wife, as well as for their dad during the same time period, Murray compared their experience to being on a double-decker carousel. “One day might be great and I’m on the creature of my choice, riding the carousel in total joy, and the next day I might be on the bottom level and it just feels really hard, and it’s not exactly the beast that I want to be navigating.”
One aspect that never wavered was the family’s love. Bentz said the experience has brought them closer.
“I did a lot of couch sitting and resting, and they would come and sit by me, hold my hand, and give me hugs,” Bentz said. Jasper added: “I think being there every day was what mattered most.”
Accepting Help and Embodying the Positive
It’s been a learning curve for Bentz to rely on others for help, but everyone in their circle stepped up. When she was referred to Froedtert Hospital’s Clinical Cancer Center, “I felt like they adopted me—not only as a patient, but as someone that they started to care about,” Bentz said, and that feeling has remained ever since.
Skylar and Jasper got to meet Bentz’s care team, which put faces to names when they were at the hospital. Murray learned about Audaxity during the MCW Cancer Center’s annual Care for the Cancer Caregiver conference and the family made it a goal to ride. Members of Bentz’s care team—especially her oncologist, Joseph Zenga, MD, Associate Professor and Vice-Chair of Research—were avid cyclists and encouraged her at every appointment to stick with the goal. They joined Dr. Zenga’s Head & Neck Heroes team and Audaxity gave them all bikes to train.
Outside of the hospital, the family had a constant flow of helpers. Neighbors mended their fence and sent them meals. Parents shuttled the kids to activities. Friends built a garden for Bentz to come home to after surgery.
“We have an incredible community around us,” Murray said.
Setting Bigger Goals While Living Day to Day
Bentz has been feeling well and her energy has been good lately, despite a second cancer diagnosis in November that was followed by another surgery, more radiation, and many hours of chemotherapy. She’s been participating in a strength training program at the YMCA with other survivors and continues to take things day by day.
The whole family is looking forward to completing a longer Audaxity ride this summer. It will likely be 12 miles, but Skylar is pushing for 25. They’re continuously grateful for their strong web of connections and for a care team that’s so deeply invested in research that will improve cancer treatment for years to come.
One of Bentz’s greatest memories was ringing the bell at last year’s ride, but to her, the bell isn’t just for after treatment. “It’s every day, living life to the fullest, and the Audaxity ride supports that feeling,” she said.
“It raises money not just for cancer research, but for what comes out of that: people surviving and living from one day to the next, feeling good in the life that we still have.”
Join the Murray-Bentz family on Aug. 2 and register for the ride here.
